OK, listen. We get that fashion week is all about the "aspirational" and is the "showcase" because all these houses make up their bottom lines in fragrances and handbags but some of the stuff we stumbled upon from Sao Paulo Fashion week is just straight-up STRANGE. And we're not even talking about the clothes here (the clothes, for the record, are sorta genius)! It's obvious the Brazilians have a thing for hats/headgear/wearable face art, so we picked some of the most outlandish pieces that ended up on this week's runway. Would YOU ever wear any of these?
BONDAGE BRIDE
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Samuel Cirnansck
WTF FACTOR: Um, it's a bride with a bouquet shoved in her mouth. With her hands tied up. We get the obvious "shackles of matrimony" thing and would love nothing more than the stuff ANYTHING in the mouths of the various bridezillas that are ruining (RUINING!) our summers but still... too on-the-nose we thinks.
SADFACE NACHO LIBRE
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Cavalera
WTF FACTOR: How can any homage to Latin American wrestling AND sequins be this upset?! Look it, we love a luchador as much as any sane person would (they are heroes and champions) but the fact that this model looks downright suicidal is way too "sad etsy boyfriends" for us.
BASKET CASE
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Neon
WTF FACTOR: It's a basket that looks designed to spruce up a foyer not a human head. Plus, what's the design scheme? Were it super-saturated like the clothes THEN we'd be talking... Obrigado. <-- that's us, talking.
INVISIBLE VISOR
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Cori
WTF FACTOR: What is this a hat for mimes? This inviso-visor will fake protect you from the pretend sun until you get very real skin cancer right on your eyeballs and forehead area.
SHRUBBERY SHADE
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Fernanda Yamamoto
WTF FACTOR: Fire hazard, much? We would've much preferred if the shrubbery echoed the whispery hems of the shirt and didn't extend out so awkwardly. Leaf me alone, AMIRITE?
BOZO DOES DAY OF THE DEAD
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Cavalera
WTF FACTOR: The skull-faced shroud totally complements the theme of Cavalera's season (see: Nacho Libre above) but we wish it extended at least to the scoop neck of the shirt AND that it wasn't adorned with OBVI plastic flowers. Dead buds would've nailed it.
SIGHTLESS SLEEPING BEAUTY
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: FH
WTF FACTOR: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA we SO imagine the model seeing this outfit and getting PSYCHED at the intricacy of the lattice and then seeing the quilted sleep mask. Hopefully she didn't eat it trotting down the runway in this and whatever heels she was wearing.
SEE-THROUGH CHAPEAU
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Amapo
WTF FACTOR: We were definitely experiencing fedora fatigue but THIS ain't helping. For some reason it makes us want to fill it with similarly colored jello. Just to finish a thought... (addendum: the layering and the shawl lapel and the TINY collar is TOP NOTCH and beautiful however).
TUBERCULOSIS CHIC
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: V.Rom
WTF FACTOR: This is not a hat. Nor is it a mask (and thank goodness, since this dude is bangingsomely delicious) BUT WTF. No, seriously, WTF does this Karo-syrup + food coloring-smeared face have to do with fashion?
BONUS! PAWS UP FOR THE CAT BRA DRESS
Photo: Getty Images
DESIGNER: Reinaldo Lourenco
WTF FACTOR: Nil. Granted, there are SOME who may not appreciate this stroke of brilliance but they should be dragged into the street and pelted with tins of Fancy Feast until they see the error of their ways. Yes, even if they're old and decrepit. ESPECIALLY if they're old and decrepit, they've had entire lifetimes to figure out that Team Cat is the ONLY team that wins.
