Lady Gaga posing with children from the Tai Ya tribe in Taiwan on July 3, 2011.
Photo: Getty Images
Do you know that feeling when a convergence of weird but excellent things happen all at once—say, an old woman riding past you on a pink bicycle with three puppies in her basket or small children holding hands and talking about marriage plans—that just inspire a pure outpouring of ecstatic but confounding emotion? Sure—but instead of calmly explaining "GUESS WHAT I JUST SAW?", we blabber in an adrenaline-fueled arrangement of *pbthhh* noises because joy has simply turned our tongue into a ham. This is the feeling I am struggling with, right now, as I see a black-clawed Lady Gaga standing above a tribe (TRIBE) of Taiwanese children and they are all making monster hands. There is so much excellent here. So much excellent that my fingers have gone numb from excitement and I would best communicate by banging my head on the keyboard. But, I will press on.
Let us get the obvious elephant out of the way here: How did Lady Gaga KNOW the exact color these little Little Monsters were going to wear? How did they coordinate so perfectly? Was there a consent form signed? One can only hope Gaga would think of such formalities. Similarly, good on Gaga for keeping her butt in check and wearing a lengthening, sleek red dress which, along with her massive platforms, means she is towering exactly 6.2 miles over the heads of these children. I don't know why they have beards, but I do know why they have complete JOY in their tiny eyes. Because Lady Gaga is making monster hands with them. What did we do for our field trips? Something something dinosaurs; it is all a blur and I've erased it because this childhood is SO MUCH BETTER.
Lady Gaga in Taiwan on July 3, and two little monsters in Taipei on July 4, 2011.
Photo: Getty Images
Celebrities hugging kids = not a thing, but teetering down off of her massive shoes to give a tiny tot a little snuggle means a) she is human and possible b) that child is risking life and limb to traverse her sharpened nails to be close to the Lady. But here is the real story. There are kids dressed up as Lady Gaga. Complete with X-shaped bits of tape covering anything not G-rated. America can't get down with this type of fandom, which is why we don't have an entire day dedicated to Lady Gaga. (The day, for the record, included celebrations, a concert, and deals/discounts for anyone wearing Lady Gaga-like garb.)
Don't fret too much, fellow country-people. We too can dress our children up like Lady Gaga, though, not creatively and without the type of love a homemade Armani Privé crown can provide. But for $39.99, any child can experience the love and discovery of their very own Lady Gaga Day...scared looking tears and child-sized fishnets, not included.
Lady Gaga at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards in New York City on September 13, 2009, and a Baby Red Queen Bunting Costume.
Photo: Getty Images/Courtesy of FunFill Costumes