These are 12-inch tall platform shoes by Buffalo.
Photo: Courtesy of SoleStruck
We have EYES. We've seen platforms before. From Nicki Minaj to Taylor Momsen to Kerli we've been witness to our fair share of high-rise kicks, but these Buffalo Classics certainly take the cake. With a 12-inch heel and 11-inch platform, these black flatform sneakers will make their wearer a full FOOT taller for the equally tall price of $599.95. While they're still shy of the Guinness World Record-breaking 16-inch stiletto heels that hold the title of World's Tallest, I think we can all agree that these are still some MONSTER shoes.
The style of shoe, in fact, is called "Party Monster," though, we're not sure this moniker even needs to be so specific. We're pretty certain that wherever you decide to wear these shoes, you're guaranteed some kind of "shock and awe" reaction whether it's because (a) you're suddenly operating on a different plane of sight than your friends are used to, (b) you're stepping on everyone's feet due to the Princess and the Pea syndrome 12 inches of foamy platfrom causes, or (c) people are holding their breath for the moment you fall like a redwood because you lack the inner-ear strength to properly mobilize yourself in these Frankenfeet.
BUT if you haven't been ridiculed through a lifetime of clumsy mishaps (what has two thumbs?), max out the 3 pairs per customer limit and prove the naysayers wrong. All it will take is a little practice around the house before giving these suckers their proper gazelle-like public debut, excellent posture, and a heavy-handed dose of IDGAF. Haters are gonna hate, but who care because they. can't. touch. you. LITERALLY! You're at a different altitude! *blows kiss, waves*