Colton Haynes in "Wonderland Magazine."
Photo: Courtesy of Paul Jasmin/Wonderland Magazine
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Hold the phone, y'all. We know it's no surprise that Teen Wolf star Colton Haynes is a total babe, and after seeing his fashion-y side explode all over the pages of Bullett Magazine, we KNEW we were on to something. But we were not expecting this! Colton Haynes. In—what looks like—his jammies. In Wonderland Magazine. Yeah, yeah. We can stare at dudes ALL DAY in their skinny ties and well-fitted suits, but there's something about seeing a guy when he's just hanging around the house looking impeccably FIIIOONEE that just does us in. Like, if you dated Colton, he would look like this. All the time. His muscly muscles would be out in all their glory, and they'd glisten in the sunlight. GLISTEN. Siiigghhhh.
Taylor Lautner for VMAN.
Photo: Courtesy of Steven Klein/VMAN Magazine
Umm. Wow. Just... Excuse me, while I catch my breath. Because even though this is a greyscale image, I am totally cripplingly entranced by this visage of Taylor Lautner on the cover of VMAN. I mean, it's black-and-white, but there is just SO much angular face structure and glistening man-tensity (a hybrid of "man" and "intensity," obviously) and Tyra-approved SMIZE that my brain is exploding all over itself. Like, honestly, I CANNOT rip my line of sight from its current fixated gaze deep into those steely smoldering eyes, as if he's sending me telepathic messages in a foreign language - I hear it, but I don't understand... For this September Issue of VMAN, the "Archetype" issue, Taylor assumes the role of "The Idol," which is all very fitting since, I mean, who really looks like this?! Physics? Biology? What? Does not compute.
Shia LaBeouf's slow and steady beard growth.
Photo: Getty Images
So we were just perusing through Getty Images all la-dee-da, and then we came across a SUPPOSED image of Shia LaBeouf, aka the man in the bottom right corner of the above photo. And we were all, "WUT. WHERE DID SHIA GO? WHO STOLE SHIA'S IDENTITY?" because Mr. LaBeouf looked barely identifiable when he attended a screening in L.A. this weekend. First of all, his head is covered in RINGLETS. Like, there are curls cascading down his face—on Shia LaBeouf's face, nonetheless. And he has a beard! Not like, a nicely trimmed fashion beard, but burly man beard! Straight out of woodshop! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? Last time we saw Shia he was makin' us all sweaty in his Details spread with his hair slicked back and his man muscles out in all their glistening glory. *fans self with hand* But even back then he was still sporting a mini beard. Where did this facial fiasco begin? And how has Shia kept us from noticing this huge transformation? Because, to be honest, we're kind of stalkery—especially when it comes to Shia. Let's investigate.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt covering Nirvana's "Lithium."
Photo: Courtesy of Jimerlin's Youtube Channel
As he starts off his set, Joseph Gordon-Levitt douses himself in a bottle of water, so he sits there with his guitar, glistening and sweaty. Excuse us, but to continue, we ALSO have to douse ourselves with water. Because we need a cold shower. So many cold showers.
There has been this blood-pressure-raising trend recently of really hot dudes doing really cool things. First Ryan Gosling proves he is a super-hero. And Bradley Cooper demonstrates his ability to speak other languages. But Joseph Gordon-Levitt not only is stealing our hearts in the most talked-about movie of all time, The Dark Knight Rises as the enigmatic John Blake, but he's also really really cool. And he makes his cultural savvy clear, beautifully covering Nirvana's "Lithium." His project HITrecord is all about recording and sharing music videos, and I think I speak for all women with eyeballs when I say there is no better accessory on a dude than a guitar. But JGL demonstrates, right here, what may be the most important article of clothing EVER owned by a man: The perfect, unflappable, undisputed T-shirt.
Joe Jonas guests on 'Bigger Than The Buzz'.
Sweet mother of Mickey Mouse. Howww can some singular human being be so EPICALLY adorable?! Riddle me that, world. I'd really like to know. Because Joe Jonas in his slick little graphic v-neck tee, scruffy chin, and gently smiling eyes doing a guest stint on MTV Buzzworthy's "Bigger Than The Buzz" is sending all my cuteness-reading meters off the CHARTS.
Josh Hartnett on the cover of "Corduroy."
Photo: Courtesy of "Corduroy" magazine
Holy smokes! Staring at this cover of Corduroy (and I mean STARING, dry gluey eyes, slack jaw, nerves taut and singularly attentive, THE WORKS), I'm overcome with so many...feelings. It's like I've just seen a GHOST, y'all! Or my war husband who I thought was killed in battle but unexpectedly returned after I accidentally fell in love with his best friend (lots of gold star stickers for your Trapper Keeper if you got the Pearl Harbor reference before I told you just now). It's just that Josh Hartnett has flown so far under the radar and paparazzi flashbulbs since those days I spent meticulously lining the inside of my locker with his white-tank-top-swaddled visage, I'm taken aback by all this MAN I see before me.
Ryan Gosling breaks up a fight in New York City.
Photo: Courtesy of queenofpinups YouTube channel/Getty Images
We ALL know Ryan Gosling is a megababe. Like, he's so far off in a league of his own that he can even wear a pajama shirt out in public and all women will still maniacally start crying at the mere mention of his name. I mean, the guy can't help it. He's got the looks, he's got the charm, and MOST IMPORTANT—he's got the style. (OK, FIIIIINEEE. His rockin' bod is PRETTY DARN important too.) But what happened the other day basically threw him off the charts. No one can EVER. COME. CLOSE. To Mr. Gosling's attractiveness after what a girl accidentally caught on camera in New York City the other day.
Darren Criss on the set of "Imogene" in New York.
Photo: Getty Images
If you're a bona fide Gleek, you're probably already more than familiar with one Blaine Anderson, aka soon-to-be-superstar Darren Criss who will go from guest star to full-blown cast member this season on Glee. If he's not already hanging up in your bedroom or snuggling in your wallet (don't judge), prepare to paste life-size photos of him in your locker (either school or gym) because, make no mistake, this kid's gonna be HUGE. Not only does Criss have the MOST ADORBS SMILE known to man, he's a triple-threat performer whose talent you're about to see on stages and screens everywhere.
Vinny Guadagnino shaves a guy's head.
Photo: Getty Images
In case you missed it, there's an absolutely HI-LARIOUS bonus clip from last week's Jersey Shore of Vinny trying (key word: trying) to give Ronnie a haircut. He busted out the electric razor to help his roomie out, but SPOILER ALERT: It turns out badly. So bad, in fact, Pauly D walks in mid-razor cut and says, "Why you giving him them bald spots, bro?" Yeah. THAT bad. Ronnie continues to refer to his hair disaster as the "Friar Tuck" cut from then on out, and confines himself to the kitchen and wears nothing but robes for the rest of the time he's in Italy. OK, that last part was totally made up, BUT we're betting Vinny feels bad, right? I mean, at least a little? Well, yesterday he was in NYC giving passersby "fresh to death" makeovers and put that razor to use once again. Perhaps to prove that he does, in fact, know how to use clippers effectively? We'll never know his reason, but let's just hope this time it turns out a teensy bit better than Ronnie. *crosses fingers*
Mark Sanchez in "GQ."
Photo: Courtesy of "GQ"
Hi, Mark Sanchez. *reaches out right hand* Nice to meet you. We haven't really...corresponded before. You know, with you being all into sports and us being all into fashion and stuff. I guess we never really crossed paths until now, which is even MORE embarrassing considering you're a quarterback for the Jets, which is a New York team (right?), and well, that's where we live. But all we have to say is, heh, OUR BAD. 'Cause boy, you are GORGEOUS. I mean, you got the entire September GQ cover to yourself, which is rad, but we couldn't help but notice how WELL you wear V-neck sweaters. Most guys can't show off their amazing pecs SHIRTLESS, but here you are, in your little forest green Boss Black sweater and gray pants werkin' it harder than anyone we've ever seen.