Lady Gaga posing with children from the Tai Ya tribe in Taiwan on July 3, 2011.
Photo: Getty Images
Do you know that feeling when a convergence of weird but excellent things happen all at once—say, an old woman riding past you on a pink bicycle with three puppies in her basket or small children holding hands and talking about marriage plans—that just inspire a pure outpouring of ecstatic but confounding emotion? Sure—but instead of calmly explaining "GUESS WHAT I JUST SAW?", we blabber in an adrenaline-fueled arrangement of *pbthhh* noises because joy has simply turned our tongue into a ham. This is the feeling I am struggling with, right now, as I see a black-clawed Lady Gaga standing above a tribe (TRIBE) of Taiwanese children and they are all making monster hands. There is so much excellent here. So much excellent that my fingers have gone numb from excitement and I would best communicate by banging my head on the keyboard. But, I will press on.
Wherever you go, it sees you. Desigual X Cirque Du Soleil tee and a Cirque Du Soleil performer.
Photo: Desigual X Cirque Du Soleil/Getty Images
There are several things that are culturally specific and downright weird about working in Times Square. For example, today we learned that there are two Sephoras about a block and a half apart. We've also walked past the aggressively air-conditioned, unnervingly dark Desigual store and wondered WTF is a Desigual and why is it adored by droves of youngish Europeans? Is it the same thing like how shorts-wearing, loud-talking Americans are constantly being clowned for going to McDonald's in far-off lands? Which then reminds us that there are MULTIPLE MONSTER Desigual ads in the arrivals area of JFK International airport as if to remind visitors the moment they alight long flights that New York features many, many spectacles and historic gems and museums and the opera and scads of brave, brilliant citizens but to NEVER FORGET... that there's a Desigual flagship here. SO WEIRD.
Which brings us (excruciatingly slowly) to the recent news that the Spanish sportswear line (BREAKING: apparently Desigual is a Spanish sportswear line) founded in 1984 by Thomas Meyer is doing a collabo with Cirque Du Soleil, thereby unifying two things that I am 100 percent meh on.
Azzedine Alaïa at the Christian Dior show during Paris Fashion Week in Paris on Jan. 24.
I can't even deal with how awesome Azzedine Alaïa is. Just as I cannot believe I don't own his massive, gorgeous Assouline coffee-table book because it will obvi make my brain bleed with its unbridled genius. I am, as the kids say, SLEEPING. Anyways, Alaïa's been everywhere since he let slip this week that he'd been approached to helm Dior upon the fateful mustachioed meltdown of the anti-Semitic swashbuckler John Galliano (a fishtail-braided, boneheaded move that got dude nixed from the haus of CD). Alaïa refused and then proceeded to give a gloriously linktastic interview with Virgine Magazine, talking mas mess about Anna Wintour (he is not a fan) and branding the sunglassticled plasticine-faced Karl Lagerfeld a caricature and sellout.
Ondria Hardin, Kelly Mittendorf and Frida Gustavsson for Steven Meisel/Prada
Photo: Courtesy of Prada
Where does Steven Meisel live? In some sort of fairy land where Miuccia Prada dresses little nymphs in bright clothes and then everyone joins hands and frolics in a blissful, sun-dappled patch of the wilderness? We think so. Because only by the skillful hand of Meisel—who's an old pro at shooting monumental fashion campaigns—can Prada dress up girls in literal animal skins and feather prints and make it look like a playful romp in a wonderland we ardently wish we were invited to join. Let's break it down.
Campaign photo for the Simone Perele Fall/Winter 2011 Caressence Collection.
Photo: Courtesy of Simone Perele
There's something so reassuring about people telling me about the restorative properties of aloe vera. It feels so '90s. Like, when I didn't know that no matter how much money I'd make or how many impressive and fascinating people I'd meet and how many pairs of shoes I'd hoard in a secret crevice in my third closet, that I would feel oddly hollow. Not an entirely unpleasant experience, just sort of, vaguely cool. Not unlike how I'd imagine aloe-infused underpants would feel on your ladyjunk.
Al Pacino and Whoopi Goldberg at the Tony Awards in New York on June 12.
Photo: Getty Images
God bless us. That this photo exists at all makes me so happy. I know the fashbloggeur in me should unspool these guys' guts for showing up to a televised award show looking exactly this way but who the hell cares? It's the Tony Awards. A.K.A. the Antoinette Perry Award for Excellence in Theatre A.K.A. some thing that only media Twitterer-types, Alec Baldwin (... I love you, sir) and glee club dorks watch (ahem, A.K.A. Gaby our editorial assistant *cough* NERD *cough*) so it's all amongst pals and friends and industry insiders and randos who Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa, would make $40 sandwiches for.
Besides, it's Pacino and Goldberg. These guys aren't really even people anymore, they've been burning so famous for so long that they've long been distilled to a pencil drawing of a face and a rousing collection of catch phrases. Maybe a smell.
French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy at the G8 Summit in Deauville, France, on May 26, 2011, Alexa Chung at the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition in London on June 9, 2010, and U.S. first lady Michelle Obama at the White House in Washington, D.C. on Sept. 18, 2009.
Photo: Getty Images
Not that anyone's ever accused me to my face of being a "lady" or "elegant" but there's something about the return of this particular shoe trend that simply irritates me. Some chicks have beef with bows. Or polka dots. Or hearts. Or Peter Pan collars. They find them "too girly" or cloying and it's definitely how I'd qualify the inconsequential nubbin of a heel known as the kitten heel. Plus, and this might be just me but there's something strangely low rent about a kitten heel. A sort of "fancydrag." Like something that scrabbles with awkward elbows and scabby knees to a higher station because they read many times (by match light) in the only picture book they owned (known to you and I as a magazine) when they lived in subway tunnels, that this shoe was somehow "special."
Bleulab Reversible Coated Curve Legging in Azurite Cayman Blue.
Photo: Courtesy of Singer22
Leaping lizards, ladies. Is it just me or are you kind of mad that this hasn't existed before? Ahahahahaha. What INGRATES we all are if that's the case! JKJKJKJK, we're the best. Get on in here for a hug. But seriously, of all the technological innovations that have improved our quality of life (and dwindled our capacity for empathy and patience for real human interaction) isn't it sort of shocking that we've only JUST been blessed with these reversible jeans? Courtesy of Bleulab, a denim studio based out of L.A., and featuring a number of fits and washes, these twofer slacks go for about $163-$207 at Singer22.com. Plus, they make 'em in JORTS!
Taylor Kitsch at the U.S. premiere of 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' in Tempe, Arizona, on April 27, 2009, Tom Brady at the 'Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty' Costume Institute Gala in New York City on May 2, 2011, and Ashton Kutcher at the Coalition to Abolish Slavery & Trafficking's 13th Annual Gala in Los Angeles on May 12, 2011.
Photo: Getty Images
Um. So, this. I know that the title of this post is a little dicey with it seeming like there's tendrils getting all mixed up and tangled in ladyjunk but seriously, what's with guys having long hair and suddenly becoming UNIMPEACHABLE GODS? It's frankly a little gross how responsive I, and other ladies like myself, get when guys get all tonsorially loose and freeeeee and flowing because I think what's primarily attractive about it is that they sort of look like jerks. There's something distinctly unemployed yet preening about the setup that makes them look suspiciously capable of murder and monster-scale embezzling or worse still, reminiscent of skater dudes from my youth. Ugh. Sooooo handsome... to where it fills me with self-loathing.
Arrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. *pant pant* Hammitt for True Blood Alcide Handbag.
Photo: Courtesy of Racked
Sooooooo. Yeah, this happened. Weird thing is, even between the Rottweiler Givenchy T-shirt that Kanye and Liv Tyler both wore, the menacing cat one-piece swimsuit that Rihanna wore a majillion billion years ago, and the Christopher Kane gorillas, I'm not even of the camp that the rabid animal face motif is tired. I kinda like it as the logical next step from irono-wearing those black tees with the wolf pack and the dream catchers because that mess was hilarious and bizarre.
The thing that actually does totally confuse me other than the $500 bones (RAAHAHAHAHARHARAHARSNOOORT. WHAT? I am TOO a lady. Sheesh.) you'll have to drop on this novelty item, is that they totally did this wrong.