Lucky for all five of you who are still dragging your feet on copping Beyonce's history-making visual album, King Bey has bequeathed unto the world yet another one of her 17 new music videos. Congratulations, slackers. Thanks to the wide release of "Drunk in Love," you now finally ~get~ why your friends keep saying "SURFBOARD" with a Texan drawl, AND now that Pepsi is hosting the video for "Grown Woman," you can also revel in Beyonce's live reenactment of this picture and watch some adorable and craftily CGI-enhanced home-movie footage of baby Bey. I hope you know how lucky you are.


A still from Beyonce's "Grown Woman" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

Nine months ago, Bey posted an adorable picture of herself as a child in full-on pageant regalia, standing in front of a fireplace and mantle stacked with trophies. Taking the photo from cute to hilariously irreverent, the words BOW DOWN were printed in all caps across it. It reached meme status instantly, and was definitely my Facebook cover photo for several months. In the vid, Beyonce recreates the scenes almost exactly with a fluffy, feathery, baby-pink dress, jewels, and a tiara. Except now, she's a grooowwwwnnn woman. (She can do whatever she wants.)


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A still from Beyonce's "Drunk In Love" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

We are now embarking on Day 5 of Beyonce's 2013 wig snatch album release heard 'round the world. Just in case you were involved in some sort of experiment that had you cut-off from all humanity over the weekend, let me bring you up to speed. Without any promotion or warning, King Bey dropped a 14-track, 17-video visual album at midnight on December 13 via iTunes. She blew minds and shattered records, and yes, we are STILL talking about it!

Most of the music videos are still relegated behind the wall of iTunes where you need to drop some coin ($14.99 to be exact) to watch them, which IMHO is totally worth it because (A) cultural currency, (B) Beyonce, and (C) there are SO MANY OUTFITS you need to see to believe. Yesterday, Bey offered up her music videos for "Drunk In Love" and her new single "XO," giving you a taste of what you might be missing if you haven't copped the album yet. Funnily enough, those are also the only two videos on Bey's self-titled project that feature her in just one look. YOU GOTTA EARN THOSE WARDROBE CHANGES, Y'ALL!


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All the BeyHiiiive, if you hear meeee, help me sing it ouuuuuut! Is everybody still breathing? Chances are, you're actually reading this a few days AFTER the Friday, December 13, 2013 release of Beyonce's brand new self-titled ~visual album~ because you chose to siphon yourself off from humanity to devote your attention to watching all 17 videos in full, end-to-end, at least three times in a row. TBH, I would have done the same if this wasn't my job. But here we are, right??

If you know anything about Beyonce's track record with music videos (*achem* "Countdown," "Crazy In Love," "SINGLE LADIES"???), you know these have to be iconic and FULL of fashion. The videos Bey released via iTunes last night are no exception, so we've taken on the daunting task of breaking them down look by look. That's right, folks. 17 videos. Look. By. Look. Lord Bey-sus be with us. BUT, don't think for one second that we're giving it to you all at once. We want this to last as loooooong as possible, so we're parsing them out little by little.


A still from Beyonce's "Pretty Hurts" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

First up is "Pretty Hurts," which is basically Beyonce's version of "Unpretty" for 2013 (and '14 and beyonced). It opens up with Short-Haired Beyonce, which is a visual reminder (apart from the fact that you're hearing new Bey music via a music video you just bought on iTunes in the middle of the night) that ish is very different this time around.


A still from Beyonce's "Pretty Hurts" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

The video centers around a beauty pageant setting but leans more Drop Dead Gorgeous than "Toddler In Tiaras." (Though, unfortuantely, no one wears a Mount Rushmore headpiece in Bey's show.) Mrs. Carter-Knowles represents as Miss 3rd Ward, a nod to her H-Town upbringings, and is seen here in beige, pointy-cup lingerie and a tiara.


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Britney Spears

Britney Spears applies her Fantasy scent in her video for 'Perfume.'
Photo: RCA Records

The video for Britney Spears' latest single, "Perfume," was just released and, wow, Britney must smell really good. She applies perfume ALL over her body. Is that how you get perfume to last? Spraying it on your stomach? I will take advice from a woman who has 12 scents to her name.

Obviously, with a song title like "Perfume" and bottles of Fantasy to sell, Britney and her team didn't miss the perfect opportunity for slow-mo shots of the pink sequined bottle as Britney applies enough for a few days. At those quantities, it's sure to rub off on the man you're having an affair with, Brit. His girlfriend will definitely smell your perfume.

Britney and her team weren't waiting for a perfectly named single to peddle perfume in her videos, though: Her various scents have made appearances for years! Let's take a look at some more cameos, shall we?


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Lorde and her cornrows in the 'Team' music video.
Photos: Universal Music

When we think of Lorde, one thing (other than the lyrics to "Royals") pops into mind: that hair. Sure, she pulls off goth-inspired style and dark lipstick insanely well, but that curly mane is kinda her thing. Even though we've seen it matted down and pinned back on the cover of Clash magazine, we were still taken aback when we peeped her video for "Team" and her signature curls were M.I.A.

From what we can see in the few (and dark) shots of Lorde in the video (wearing a Zana Bayne leather harness, BTW), she seems to have braided her hair into cornrows and tied it into a ponytail at the nape of her neck. When we chatted with Lorde a few weeks ago, she revealed the secret to her hair was not washing it frequently which, TBH, we can get behind. Good news for Lorde (and us, as Lorde worshippers): Cornrows don't need to be washed that frequently either! A new style to add to our encyclopedia that doesn't require maintenance? Sign us up!


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Justin Bieber

A still from Justin Bieber's "All That Matters" music video.
Photo: Def Jam Records

It's hard to tear your eyes away from all the mouth action (yea, I said it) happening in Justin Bieber's "All That Matters" music video, but if you are of sound enough mind and strong enough will to do so, you may have noticed something peculiar about the wardrobe. And no, I'm not talking about that blonde girl in the denim overall crop top that may or may not be from Rihanna's debut River Island collection. It seems The Biebs has pulled a page from Kanye's book of answers with this video steez by wearing a KILT. And a leather one, at that! Yep, the pop wunderkind took a momentary break from his super-saggy (not to be confused with swaggy), butt-baring pants in favor of these Rick Owens leather skinnies with an attached matching kilt.


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Kanye West

A still from Kanye West's "Bound 2" music video.
Photo: Def Jam Records

It's been over a week now since Kanye West debuted his music video for "Bound 2" on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and yet, we STILL can't stop talking about it. Part of that is due to a second wave of attention spurned by Seth Rogen and James Franco's "Bound 3" parody which took the interwebz by storm earlier this week. The other part is because we're probably never going to get over seeing Kim's nippleless silhouetted boobs. #imprinted4life Regardless of how or why, the moving visuals for the Yeezus closing track are still a very hot topic, even for Ye himself, who revealed the treatment for the surreal Americana steelo in an interview with Power 105.1 FM's The Breakfast Club. "I wanted to take white trash t-shirts and turn it into a video," Kanye divulged.

While it's unclear what exactly Ye is referring to with that "white trash t-shirts" nod, we think we know where he's going with the reference—those weird tees printed with images of howling wolves and dolphins and way oversized animal faces that used to be nerdy and have since resurfaced ironically in hipsters' (and Tyler the Creator's) closets. Sure, Jerry Saltz's comparisons to Richard Prince's Cowboy photographs did more to elevate the work than the parallels we're about to draw, but we like to think it was Kanye's aim all along to pull from and marry the high and low brow ends of the cultural matrix. And so, without further ado, here are nine t-shirts we think might have inspired the treatment for Kanye West's "Bound 2" music video.


Kanye West

A still from Kanye West's "Bound 2" music video.
Photo: Def Jam Records

After panned shots of snowy mountaintops and rolling fog, an eagle flies across the shot as dawn breaks.


Kanye West

Eagle shirt.
Photo: The Mountain

Here, three slightly menacing eagles circle a purple mountain majesty on a $20.00 t-shirt.


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Will.I.Am and Miley Cyrus in the video for "Feelin' Myself."
Photo: Interscope Records

These days, seeing Miley Cyrus perform in the equivalent of underwear is pretty much the norm. She's shown us that, no matter the season, most occasions call for a high-cut, two-piece outfit and platform shoes. (Sidebar: she must save SO much storage and packing space without all those pesky pants to fold!) Naturally, her outfit in Will.I.Am's new joint for "Feelin' Myself" is no exception. Cyrus wears black latex separates, matching strappy heels and a gold chain belt to rap and shake her booty "like an expert" in the video, which also features appearances by French Montana and Wiz Khalifa. Oh, and that chain-link bomber she covers up with? Turns out, it didn't come from on-set wardrobe—it came from her very own closet.


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Ke$ha in the music video for "Timber."
Photo: Pitbull's Facebook page

After performing "Timber" together for the first time Sunday night at the American Music Awards, Pitbull and Ke$ha released the music video for their song via Pitbull's Facebook page yesterday. And it is SAUCY. Basically, it's kind of like they took two different music and spliced them together to look like one big global party. In the first, Ke$ha has a sexy hoedown in a saloon with a bunch of Coyote Ugly-types, while the second features Pitbull doing a lot of sexy dancing at a pristine beach with a ladyfriend. There's also some stray sharks swimming around, but they aren't very sexy at all.


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A still from Eminem's 'Rap God' video.
Photo: Interscope Records

Eminem's "Rap God" video is on its way! Em released a teaser for the video and he's wearing...a suit? Like, I think the last time Eminem wore a suit was in the "Without Me" video when he was playing a game show host? Dude doesn't wear suits, so we're going to cherish seeing him in a jacket, even if it is extremely shiny. His sunglasses are likely in place to shield his eyes from the sheen coming off that suit.


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Featured Comment

I love these two as a couple. What a festive way to celebrate two important events in their life. Mariah looks like a dream.

Posted by Journey on Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon Shut Down Disneyland To Renew Vows In Cinderella-Themed Ensembles
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