Amanda Bynes, Elle Fanning, and Nicki Minaj at the 2011 MTV Movie Awards in Universal City, California, on June 5, 2011. Photo:
Look, we don't usually do this because we're way into sampling all of the delicious sparkly wonders the week has to offer, but this edition of the Shoe Update is all MTV Movie Awards. While we're well aware that this cozies close to the slimy world of shameless self-promotion, we just can't help it if the ladies TURNED IT OUT at our event. Sorry we're not sorry. The pics don't lie! We sifted through dozens of pretty platforms, stilettos, wedges (side note: OMNOMNOM), but three ladies stood heels and ankles above the rest (LOLOLOL SHOE PUNZ FTW!): Amanda Bynes, Elle Fanning, and Nicki Minaj.
French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy at the G8 Summit in Deauville, France, on May 26, 2011, Alexa Chung at the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition in London on June 9, 2010, and U.S. first lady Michelle Obama at the White House in Washington, D.C. on Sept. 18, 2009. Photo: Getty Images
Not that anyone's ever accused me to my face of being a "lady" or "elegant" but there's something about the return of this particular shoe trend that simply irritates me. Some chicks have beef with bows. Or polka dots. Or hearts. Or Peter Pan collars. They find them "too girly" or cloying and it's definitely how I'd qualify the inconsequential nubbin of a heel known as the kitten heel. Plus, and this might be just me but there's something strangely low rent about a kitten heel. A sort of "fancydrag." Like something that scrabbles with awkward elbows and scabby knees to a higher station because they read many times (by match light) in the only picture book they owned (known to you and I as a magazine) when they lived in subway tunnels, that this shoe was somehow "special."
Suri Cruise in New York City on March 16, on April 13, and again on March 16, 2011. Photo: Getty Images
We ought to get these things right out of the way before proceeding: Apparently Suri Cruise, child of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, has a shoe collection worth $150,000. The Daily Mail has an insider claiming that "The older she gets, the less she wants to wear anything but little heels," and that she gets all sniffly if Katie opts for anything but girlywear. Whatever. So, basically, we are OK with this because a) we are a fashion blog and we love looking at other people's insanely expensive digs while we weep silently over the sole-less heels of our sad hand-me-downs and b) not one of us has kids so we aren't going to front like we know what it takes to be a good parent. Oh, and c) Let's be completely honest. If we weren't living on a steady diet of Kool-Aid packets and shards of childhood dreams, we'd totally get the little ones in our lives totally excessive, designer stuff...especially when it's all patent and covered in baby bows.
Basically, we aren't here to judge. But we are here to tell you how likely it is that a 5-year-old girl could own $150K in shoes, and the short answer is: Probably not, but maybe. Here's how:
Geri Halliwell at the Monaco Formula One Grand Prix in Monte Carlo, Monaco on May 29, Miranda Kerr at a press conference in Seoul, South Korea, on June 1, and Lisa Snowdon leaving May Fair Hotel in London on May 31. Photo: Getty Images
I'd really like to know who anointed themselves the fashion alpha omega back in the day and descended upon the proletariat with a placard of ironclad tenets, shouting from a mountain top "THOU SHALT NOT WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY." I'd hop in a time machine, look her square in the face, and supply a swift kick in the lady-groin—WHILE wearing clashing black and brown AND navy just for that extra dose of "suck it." But seriously, guys, some of these "rules" are so ancient and wholly irrelevant, and if followed, things would just be so *zzzzzzzzz*. Thank GOODNESS the ballsy ladies of the world love to break them. Like the oh-so spicy Geri Halliwell, an always well-heeled Miranda Kerr, and Brit-babe Lisa Snowdon! Someone once said, "Never wear suede shoes in summer," but these lovely ladies don't feel the need to heed and it is WERKIN'!
Kylie Minogue at the 2011 Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas on May 22, Jessie J at the Y 100 Underground in Miami on May 24, and Holland Roden attends the Premiere of MTV's "Teen Wolf" in Los Angeles on May 25. Photo: Getty Images
As the sun burns brighter and pavement gets hotter, the last thing you want to think about is keeping your feet suffocated and bound in pounds of leather and heavy booties. But sometimes a strappy pair of stilettos leaves you looking a little too bare to complete certain ensembles. This week's installment of the Shoe Update features a clever lesson in how to keep your feet cool without sacrificing your outfit's silhouette brought to you by Kylie Minogue, Jessie J, and Holland Roden.
First it was Topshop, then it was our go-to online store ASOS (I am literally wearing an ASOS brand dress today), and now, for our limbs, comes Ash. The hit British store is coming over seas and opening its very first flagship store in the United States today, located in Soho in New York. The massive, 2,300 square-foot center will be home to the brand’s punk aesthetic, which already has devoted American followers like Madonna, LeAnn Rimes and H. Duff—which is no surprise, because there are 13 Ash stores worldwide (America, it appears, was just lacking). Known for their booties (they had some thigh-high stunners a few months ago) but certainly killing it with sandals for summer, the Brit brand is a no-brainer for any girl who needs a quick but stylish shoe to pull on whilst traipsing around town holding the requisite Starbucks. Think a tougher, slightly more High Street Jeffrey Campbell, with plenty of hardware and fading already in effect, floating around a $150-$200 price point (to which we say: not too bad for an import). Read More...
Kat Dennings attends 'Philadelphia Style' magazine's 12th anniversary issue party in Philadelphia on May 16, Stephanie Pratt attends Coca-Cola's 125th Anniversary Celebration in Beverly Hills, California, on May 17, and Hilary Rhoda attends Free Arts NYC's 12th annual Art Auction benefit in New York on May 17. Photo: Getty Images
IT'S FRIDAY! *sings to self "Friday, gotta get down on Friday..."* No other day of the week brings about such unadulterated gratification like Friday. I mean, sure you don't have work or school on Saturdays, but sometimes so much PRESSURE gets put on Saturdays to the point where they end up being almost as stressful as a regular weekday. OR you go the opposite route and say to yourself, "I've had a really tough week. I'm going to take a little 'ME' time and relax," and your little inner cheerleading squad is like "F*** YEAH! LET'S DO IT!" Then you just end up wasting the whole day "catching up on sleep" and eating Ben & Jerry's for breakfast/lunch/dinner in your PJs. You know, I do. FRIDAYS, on the other hand, are THE best balance of both worlds. You wake up, have a productive day, and then when that's over, you're FREE to conquer the night! It's the very best way to finish off a week. Just like a great pair of SHOES is the best way to finish off an outfit! (See what I did there?)
In honor of the beauty of balance, this week's Shoe Update shows you how to pair feminine pieces with tougher, edgier ones and make it WERK. First up, Kat Dennings wears Chloë Sevigny for Opening Ceremony's Mary Anne clog boots to Philadelphia Style magazine's 12th anniversary party. The curvature of the heel is super femme-sexy, while the black leather upper and combat-esque lacing toughens the pair up. She's ALSO switching things up with that neon pink blazer—masculine tailoring in a girly color. MMM, PREACH, GIRL! Stephanie Pratt wore a pair of pink-and-white floral wide-strap wedges (also platforms) to Coca-Cola's 125th Anniversary Celebration and paired them with a dainty lace dress and an edgy gray moto-jacket. And Hilary Rhoda rocks a pair of wide ankle-strap cutout heels with a cropped leather jacket on top of a black-and-green dress with mesh detailing which echoes her shoes' cutouts without TOTAL geometric mimicry (which can get weird). Check out these and more in our gallery below.
Keri Hilson at the Maxim Hot 100 Party in Hollywood on May 11, Tilda Swinton at the 64th Annual Cannes Film Festival in Cannes, France, on May 12, and Shanna Moakler at the Los Angeles Premiere of 'Skateland' in Hollywood on May 11. Photo: Getty Images
You guys! It's been a REALLY good week in shoes. I mean, that's totally the barometer of a good week, right? Internationally, domestically, financially, holistically, man, we're just so LUCKY. Anyway, the week was so good that instead of attempting to fit our top shoes into a happy little category or trend or anything remotely cohesive... we've just picked three totally WONDERFUL pairs that we cannot stop ogling. To where if it were IRL, it would be completely creepy. PERRRRRFECTION. Well, except those orthopedic sneakers for children happened...zzzzzzzzzzzzz... *wakes up startled at sound of own boisterous gap-mouthed snoring* Anyhow, these ladies sported the very best shoes this week had to offer.
Keri Hilson did that pretty girl rock all over the Maxim Hot 100 Party in these jonquil sueded platform wedges. These shoes paired with an olive cut-out body-con Donna Mizani dress, bright lips, and an asymmetrical bob make Keri the consummate glamazon. Across the pond and a couple of time zones over at Cannes, Tilda Swinton wore a pair of gorgeous black thin-strapped heels with straw details including a GIANT straw rosebud embellishment on the shoe's upper. The heels are the perfect balance of sculptural, delicate yet bold, which so perfectly encapsulates Tilda's signature style. Former beauty queen and former wife of Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker, Shanna Moakler, trotted down the red carpet of the L.A. premiere of "Skateland" in a pair all-over studded peep-toe slingbacks with angular bows. She paired them with a drapey asymmetrical cobalt frock and half-pony that was both pretty and edgy. I would ask which pair speaks most to your personal style, but personally, I'd probably come up with an excuse to wear all three. I HEART ALL SHOES. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lady Gaga trains 'American Idol' contestants. Photo: Courtesy of Fox/Void Of Course
Between the Gaga V magazine cover, and the Gaga Cannes appearances, and the fact that she was a mentor for "American Idol" last night, it seems that Mother Monster has had herself cloned. And while it came as no surprise that she showed up with two-tone hair, a jewel encrusted Elizabethan ruff that may or may not retract, no pants, and a seemingly enlarged, ever-moving beauty mark that we've dubbed the, "ENORMOLE," what she did certainly throw host Ryan Seacrest for a loop for was her typically teetering heels featuring something of a twist.
A twist of see-through acrylic dildos. Obvi (also LOL at spellcheck not recognizing "dildo" or "spellcheck", so whatever). The black, zippered booties with the ultra-salaysh wienus feature, can be ordered from London label Void Of Course, from their A/W 2011/2012 line, and features what seems to be a 4-inch platform and a considerably healthier heel. The lookbook from the rest of the season (NSFW) showcases gas masks, leather, latex, babies?, forebodingly narrow hallways, half-naked men, more naked ladies and other such elements that are complementary to the overall Gaga aesthetic.
And while it's undeniable that the classically trained musician and multiplatinum-selling, award-winning recording artist has multiple jewels to bestow upon the ravenous proto-idols, and while we think it's HILARIOUS that the show did everything within their power to blur the image of Monster hooves, (because it took us maaaaaybe 1 million years to find a photo) we think the true take-home should be that if you really want it, like, at all costs, the surefire route is quite simple. Accessorize with more penis motifs. Like, go to town. The way I see it, more is more. Try it out, tell me how it goes, break me off, say 10 percent. Thanks. I'll be checking back with you.
Lady Gaga on 'American Idol.' Photo: Courtesy of Fox
Skechers Shape Ups for girls. Photo: Courtesy of the Skechers YouTube channel
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. You're steamed, right? 'Cause this series of ads wherein effervescent, cool-girl cartoons play in a super-fun, glamorous band is pissing all over your fondest memories of Jem and the Holograms AND Barbie & the Rockers, ROIGHT? No? Well... ANYWAY, this is sort of a late pass and was considered for a "Let's Discuss" a couple of days ago and then swiftly forgotten about because I have the attention span of a sparrow fart (hmm... wait, birds don't fart. But do all birds not fart? I know that's why seagulls explode when if you feed them Alka-Seltzer. Man, if only there was a resource where I could type in a query just like this one for a wealth of related, and non-related results...) and because it was fairly knee-jerk as to what the discussion would be--Skechers Shape Ups for Girls somethingsomethingEATING DISORDER.
In the subsequent days, what I found really interesting about the coverage of these fugly kicks for ladytots are the comments on Jezebel from adult wearers of Shape Ups and other ortho-fitness shoes because apparently they cure backache, plantar fasciitis and alleviate bunion pain? Whaaa?
Typically, I'm of the, "OH HELL MASH YOUR FEET/BACK/LEGS, WHO CARES SHUZ BE PRETTIES" school, but then again, I am not a role model. In fact, the reason why I'm even writing about this at all is that today I am wearing sneakers for the first time in about a fortnight because EVERY TIME I BEND MY KNEES I HEAR MILLIONS OF MUSHY CARTILAGE CELLS POP BECAUSE I ALMOST ALWAYS WEAR 5-INCH HEELS. It totally freakin' makes me think of gelatin.
So while I actually think it's detrimental to the young psyche to plant concerns about body image and weight loss and marketing any product as a quick-fix solution, I am also not mad at creating an appeal for an orthropedic shoe so that when they're older they feel some sense of nostalgia about its appeal. Sorta like if jelly shoes were good for you. I'd be so 'bout it and maybe 30 percent less broken. Seriously, I may die of this. It's someone else's fault entirely that I am so vain, and I don't know what to do. In short: Skechers Shape Ups For Girls? Not as mad as I thought I'd be (maybe just for today, though, I am as fickle as I am vain AND FUN!). Holy crap, mah bones.
Skechers Shape Ups for girls. Photo: Courtesy of the Skechers YouTube channel
WATCH THE SKECHERS SHAPE UPS FOR GIRLS VIDEO BELOW!!!
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