Skechers Shape Ups for girls.
Photo: Courtesy of the Skechers YouTube channel

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. You're steamed, right? 'Cause this series of ads wherein effervescent, cool-girl cartoons play in a super-fun, glamorous band is pissing all over your fondest memories of Jem and the Holograms AND Barbie & the Rockers, ROIGHT? No? Well... ANYWAY, this is sort of a late pass and was considered for a "Let's Discuss" a couple of days ago and then swiftly forgotten about because I have the attention span of a sparrow fart (hmm... wait, birds don't fart. But do all birds not fart? I know that's why seagulls explode when if you feed them Alka-Seltzer. Man, if only there was a resource where I could type in a query just like this one for a wealth of related, and non-related results...) and because it was fairly knee-jerk as to what the discussion would be--Skechers Shape Ups for Girls somethingsomethingEATING DISORDER.

In the subsequent days, what I found really interesting about the coverage of these fugly kicks for ladytots are the comments on Jezebel from adult wearers of Shape Ups and other ortho-fitness shoes because apparently they cure backache, plantar fasciitis and alleviate bunion pain? Whaaa?

Typically, I'm of the, "OH HELL MASH YOUR FEET/BACK/LEGS, WHO CARES SHUZ BE PRETTIES" school, but then again, I am not a role model. In fact, the reason why I'm even writing about this at all is that today I am wearing sneakers for the first time in about a fortnight because EVERY TIME I BEND MY KNEES I HEAR MILLIONS OF MUSHY CARTILAGE CELLS POP BECAUSE I ALMOST ALWAYS WEAR 5-INCH HEELS. It totally freakin' makes me think of gelatin.

So while I actually think it's detrimental to the young psyche to plant concerns about body image and weight loss and marketing any product as a quick-fix solution, I am also not mad at creating an appeal for an orthropedic shoe so that when they're older they feel some sense of nostalgia about its appeal. Sorta like if jelly shoes were good for you. I'd be so 'bout it and maybe 30 percent less broken. Seriously, I may die of this. It's someone else's fault entirely that I am so vain, and I don't know what to do. In short: Skechers Shape Ups For Girls? Not as mad as I thought I'd be (maybe just for today, though, I am as fickle as I am vain AND FUN!). Holy crap, mah bones.

Skechers Shape Ups for girls.
Photo: Courtesy of the Skechers YouTube channel


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Sarah Shahi at the premiere of 'Something Borrowed' in Hollywood, California on May 3, Jennifer Hudon leaving a midtown Manhattan hotel in New York City on May 5, and Lucy Hale at 'Nylon' magazine's May Young Hollywood issue celebration in Hollywood on May 3.
Photo: Getty Images

I don't know about the rest of the world, but only recently has it finally started to feel like not-winter here in the Big Apple. I've actually shed my puffer coat (which I've been rocking since September, no joke, because I am a total weakling when it comes to cold weather) and maaaaay even be getting a little color back. As temperatures rise, hemlines follow suit. While shorts and skirts are getting shorter and baring more skin, shoes seem to be covering more and more epidermal real estate to make up the difference. This week we were happily witness to some gorgeous gam-gobbling stompers (hmmm... now why does that sound really suggestive?).

On May 3, Sarah Shahi trotted down the blue carpet of the Hollywood premiere of Warner Bros. 'Something Borrowed' in these futuristic-meets-natural, mega-juxtaposed elastic strap wedge with espadrille platforms. Jennifer Hudson was spotted (looking sublime as always) exiting her midtown Manhattan hotel in these nude-and-black stiletto gladiators laced up above her ankles on May 5 (en route to some swanky Cinco de Mayo festivities?? Girrrrl, why weren't we invited?! [edit: um probably because some of us + tequila = not cute.]) And Shoe Update veteran, and Pretty Little Liars' Lucy Hale, showed up at Nylon magazine's May Young Hollywood Issue Celebration in these all-over black, embossed, peep-toe bootie-wedge hybrids buckled aaaall the way up, inching close to mid-calf!


+ What's behind the jump? See Kristin Cavallari, Lea Michele, Ginnifer Goodwin, and MANY MORE in our Hot Celebrity Shoes gallery, which is updated weekly. You are SO welcome.

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Shoe Boots from Prada's Fall 2011 ready-To-Wear Collection.
Photo: Courtesy of

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath* BWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. ZOMG *wipes eyes* You guys. Is this happening? Did I dream this so I could have theeee perfect post for this morning's "Let's Discuss"? I mean, this is brilliant, right? Did some saboteur slip on Miuccia's whole body skin and wig to gallop into her work area to scrawl what they thought to be the FUNNIEST most FUGLIEST also, let's face it, RACISTIEST shoe ever on the magical notebook dedicated to FINAL PRODUCTION IDEAS? (Right? That's how shoe-boots get born? They're drawn in crayon on the gilded Moleskine that gets sent to the cobbler factory straightaway to be faithfully executed without any checks or balances, just a line drawing?)

So much going on here. First of all, the Mary Jane itself? GAHROSS. The dead-leg sheen that's uniform on both the shoe and the shin is so freaky. The stout, leather-covered heel. The cartoon button. The entire thing that looks like a prosthesis and like it would be cold to the touch. The weird elasticky seam in the front. The pull-on stretchy zigzag seam on the top. What is happening? Prada is a clever woman, and I can't help but think this is a publicity stunt of some sort. Or some meme-baitish trope. Whoa. I just kinda blew my mind. Remember the story about The Red Shoes. Where the chick somethingsomethingSHOES and couldn't stop dancing, and then the woodcutter had to CUT OFF HER LEGS so that the demonic heels that had possessed her feet would finally let her rest? Maybe these shoes are a metaphor for temptation and vanity and being careful what you wish for and... and... Man, I have no idea. I'm just thoroughly entertained because these bishes are disgusting. You can see the rest of the collection here, but for sure these "flesh" (a way-more-subjective term than these presume) colored ones are my disgustofaves. SOOOO GOOOD.

P.S. Oh, and (nerd alert but) everybody reeeeeelax if they want to talk surrealism and invoke Schiaparelli. This ain't that.

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Whitney Port in Giuseppe Zanotti on April 26, Vonzell Solomon in Senso on April 26, and Hayden Panettiere in Jimmy Choo on April 26.
Photo: Getty Images

This week's Shoe Update was kiiiind of a no-brainer. I mean, when I see these ladies all in a row, my eyeballs physically cannot stray past the confines of the less-than-1-inch area between their ankles and the carpet. Just LOOK at these stompers! They're literally SCREAMING for a feature in a celeb/fashion/humor/style blog. Am I riiiiight? And the ladies totally know it, too, as evidenced by how much they downplay the rest of their ensembles. After hitting up the Lakers-Hornets game, Whitney Port pops over to the Us Weekly Hot Hollywood party on April 26 in these bright purple lace-up platforms with stacked heels by Giuseppe Zanotti. (Possibly in honor of the Lakers' win that night?) She lets the shoes shine by pairing them with an understated one shoulder mini for a cool-but-not-too in-your-face combo. In a black body-con and blazer, Vonzell Solomon from American Idol lets her pink cheetah booties (whaaaaat??) by Senso take center stage at the opening of 'Burn The Floor' in Hollywood. Hayden Panettiere braves a skinnier heel in these Jimmy Choo black platform peep toes with the BLANG-BLANGin-est ankle straps to ever walk the red carpet. Hayden streamlines her outfit with a little black-on-black-on-black, but her iced out ankles are clearly the stars of this little number. In a line-up so diverse, how can you choose a favorite?? GIMME 'EM ALL! (Summer Santa?)


+ What's behind the jump? See Eva Mendes, Gwyneth Paltrow, Khloé Kardashian, and MANY MORE in our Hot Celebrity Shoes gallery, which is updated weekly. You are SO welcome.

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Look, let's all be very honest with ourselves. We are not really in any danger of ever being FORCED to wear Christian Louboutin shoes against our wills. No matter how David Lynch and surreal the terrorscape of some hackneyed kidnapping plot becomes, no one is going to put a gun to your head, take a knee and MAKE you ease on these revolting shoes. Yes. Revolting. Typically, for our "Let's Discuss" franchise we throw up a topic so that we can engage in a forthright and spirited discussion about whether or not we like or dislike something, but in this case we'd like to foist our fervent opinion that these here shoes are seriously fug.

The "Alex" pump and the "Puck" boot from Christian Louboutin's fall 2011 collection.
Photo: Courtesy of Christian Louboutin

I mean, so the one on the left is called the "Alex" and is intended to resemble the regal paw of a lion. Oooooor it's an homage to the tenaciousness of overdeveloped freak show bunions with oozing, mottled ends that are SO powerful that they push a gnarly, permanent convex shape into the suede of the shoe.

The trotter on the right is called "Puck" because it's an homage to the "shrewd and knavish sprite" of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream." It features a curled, long, pony nap dyed in an ombre effect, and the prospect of wearing such booties makes me feel wildly uncomfortable as though I'm preparing for a hot, yiffing appointment with a Furry.

The "Splash Fur" shoe from Christian Louboutin's fall 2011 collection.
Photo: Courtesy of Christian Louboutin

This last one called "Splash Fur" we included for its quizzically slapdash plume. It is as if some really adorable woodland creature or flightless-but-oh-so-beautiful bird got enthusiastically KICKED only to find itself lodged in the buckle of the upper. It's sort of funny in its incongruousness, and we would seriously consider owning it for sheer entertainment value were we excused from rent or spatial limitations of our tiny-ass homes overflowing with shoes we genuinely intend on wearing. So. What do you think? Do you HATE them or do you etc etc etcblablablabla?

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Fergie at Macy's in New York on April 21.
Clockwise from top left: Reality in Sapphire, Barter in Black, Tremble in Green, Quilla in Clementine, and Bold in Black.
Photo: Getty Images/Courtesy of Fergie Footwear

Given Jessica Simpson and Carlos Santana's incredible successes in the shoe department, it comes as no surprise that she of the consistently bronzed, obscenely shapely legs—Fergie—would be hot to trot into the game. And, what's even more notable is that like Simpson and Santana, her reasonably priced offerings are not only totally accessible but cute. The spring/summer line is available at Macy's or online (with most at just under $100) and there's wedges, platforms and sandals galore. Check out what the shoes look like on display in real life (you can see the colors with some accuracy here) and for the whole collection, you can check her site but peep our top 5 (working from the top left).

We love this blue suede wedge sandal called "Reality" since the T-strap upper is large enough to not only be comfy but support the heel. You can pair this with high-waisted, denim flares for a retro feel, or it'd look just as cute with a vibrant midi skirt.

With the suggestively named "Barter," we're working with a mesh that's supported with a double-looped strap. Note that the straps are padded and that the 2-inch platform on the front makes the teetering stiletto easier on your arch.

This stacked-heel, lace-up, open-toed clog is a no-brainer. You can wear the green "Tremble" with anything. Just as long as your pedi's right and the burnished studs don't clash with your accessories.

The "Quilla" in orange is the perfect summer shoe. The wedge means that you can navigate all sorts of BBQ terrain and the color pops against all types of breezy backdrops. Again, we're working with a platform so you can run around town (or seaside resort) in the utmost comfort.

OK, this middle shoe called the "Bold" (I'll say) is kinda an intense shoe. And by "intense" we mean we love it and are perfectly willing to wear these even with the most innocent of eyelet smocks. It's all about the interplay and juxtapositioning, people.

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Khloé Kardashian in Jimmy Choo on April 11, Emma Roberts in Elie Saab on April 11, and Lucy Hale in Giuseppe Zanotti on April 10.
Photo: Getty Images

Of course, we spotted their hot, ankle-grazing shoes FIRST. How could we not?! Khloé Kardashian stepped out at a celebration for the Kardashian Redbook cover in red/pink/funky b&w patterned strappy Jimmy Choo sandals that were in clear competition with her bow-tie and alarmingly cinched waist. Meanwhile, Emma Roberts sparkled at the Scream 4 premiere in the most-fabulous/we-want-them-NOW black Elie Saab cutout stacked heels, which she teamed with a glittering blue Burberry frock (black and blue works in our book). And Lucy Hale popped by the 22nd Annual GLAAD Media Awards in a Giuseppe Zanotti open-toe booties that overpowered her feet (but in a cool edgy way). OK, so we can all agree that the shoes this week were the ish. But, after ohhhing and ahhhing over them, we quickly turned our attention to the girls' equally fabulous pedicures. Did you think we didn't notice?! Khloé chose a Smurf-y blue lacquer that added a dose of color to her tootsies (as if she didn't have enough already), while Emma and Lucy stuck with classic black and red, respectively. Proof that a pedi can sometimes make or break a fly shoe.... just as raggedy dogs can destroy an ensemble, regardless of bajillion-dollar red soles.


+ What's behind the jump? See Mischa Barton, Harley Viera-Newton, Hayley Kiyoko, and MANY MORE in our Hot Celebrity Shoes gallery, which is updated weekly. You are SO welcome.

+ What ELSE is behind the jump? Insane cutaway, red VELVET platforms with ginormous bows, a sculpted heel open-toe that looks fractured and freaky in patent leather with neon panels and, ahem, kinda the most egregious case of shrimping disgusto toes without a pedicure :(, and strappy sandals with so much gonzo bananas, multicolored beading in laborious designs that goes with NOTHING and therefore EVERYTHING. Shuz. Omigawd. Shuz. Better lotion those ankles, ladies. x

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Leighton Meester, Katie Cassidy and Selena Gomez in 'Monte Carlo.'
Photo: Courtesy of New Regency Productions

The trailer for Selena Gomez's new film Monte Carlo just hit and it already has enthusiasts of teen-comedies-that-are-so-far-fetched-it's-crazy (slowly raises hand) eagerly anticipating the release. The gist: Three friends played by Gomez, Leighton Meester, and Katie Cassidy embark on a dream vacay to Paris. But while they're doing their typical tourist thing (sight-seeing, moped-riding, and sleeping in sketchy hostels) Gomez's character gets mistaken for a British heiress and all hell breaks loose (and SOMEONE falls for Glee star Cory Monteith!). Early critics have compared the flick (which releases in theaters on July 1) to 2003's The Lizzie Maguire Movie--but with WAY better clothes. Check out the trailer look-by-look below and tell us if you agree. So. Much. Shoe. Porn. Hurts. Our. Feelings.

Leighton and Katie's characters give the real heiress, clad in a shawl-collar cream blazer, jeans, and a long necklace, the once over. Ugh. It's the worst to be confronted by all that expensive-ass cuteness when you're dripping like a drowned rat.

The faux heiress, played by Gomez, wears the same color combo that the real heiress wears above--gray, cream, and denim. Coincidence? Nope! Just MOVIE MAKIN' MAGIC.

An oh-so-serious polo match attendee in a spiky feathered sunhat is affronted by an errant ball. No tawdry jokes, here. We're WAY too classy for that.

Let's take a moment to admire Katie and Leighton's characters' garb. Katie's shrunken vest and subtle floral bubble skirt, and Leighton's high-waisted short shorts and striped boat shirt...we'd expect nothing less from these two Gossip Girls.

Obviously, a heiress travels with shoes galore in a monogrammed steamer case that when opened makes our insides BURN WITH HOT SEARING ENVY.

Ditto for bags.

A serious, Liz Taylor-ish diamond and sapphire necklace heavy enough to mash your spinal column with its weight and still be totally worth it.

We know! More stuff! We love stuff...Sooooooooo jelz.

Leighton, please. What's with the dreamy look? It's not like you've never played characters who get to rock fancy floor length couture, like, ALL THE TIME. Ahahahaha. We're totally getting a little mad now...

Siiiiiigh. All that dreamy, fancy, size 2 glory.

Oh, but our girl keeps it all the way real and instead of wearing one of the MANY pairs of designer pumps left by the heiress, Gomez's character wears cowgirl boots to the ball. Not something we would do in a million years but, again, this movie is about FANTASY.

French actor Pierre Boulanger plays Gomez's love interest in the flick. We too love going matchy poo in polo shirts. Bonsoir, mon petit chou.

We can tell when the real heiress returns--she looks unbelievable in a gray tube dress and cropped blazer and she always looks like she's about to maim the help with that icy rich girl stare. Oh, heiress have you learned NOTHING? Oh, who cares! We're so there to watch the bejesus outta this flick.


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A Women's Chuck Taylor All Star Hi Flip-Flop Sneaker by Converse
Photo: Courtesy of Converse

Where to even begin. Obviously there are functional merits to the decision making here. Who hasn't gotten a little swampy around the toes when you're free-footing it in canvas high-tops in the summertime? But just as toasty as you need your tarsals to be come winter and just as I'd sooner drive a stake in my eye than wear Uggs (this is a personal testament; not to be confused as the view of MTV as a whole), I'm not sure I would ever, evereverever wear these oddball hybrid shoes. I champion experimentation in all things but we think this is :( What do you guys think? The Converse Women's Chuck Taylor All Star Hi Flip Flop Sneaker is available at DSW for $35. If you can convincingly pull these off, we salute you. God speed.

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Jordana Brewster on April 5, Ashley Tisdale on April 6, and Victoria Justice in Brian Atwood on April 2.
Photo: Getty Images

There's something that's so Wizard of Oz about a pair of sparkly, metallic shoes. There's no place like home...there's no place like home...There's—Oh, sorry! We were momentarily hypnotized by all of the blinged-out pumps spotted this week on the footsies of some of our fave celebs. Actress Jordana Brewster added some spunk to her minimalist purple (or is that eggplant?) shift at the launch of shoe e-tailer JustFabulous in a pair of glittering gold stacked heels. Then, for the release of Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure, Ashley Tisdale stepped out in silver Brian Atwood platforms that looked like they were smooth-wrapped in aluminum foil. VERRRRY COOL. Victoria Justice also rocked a pair of Brian Atwoods to the Kids' Choice Awards. Her peep-toe platforms were a fabu balance with her glittering blue frock. Our eyes always glaze over (in a good way) when we see hot, sparkly shoes, but which pair do you dig the most?


+ What's behind the jump? See Amy Smart, Miranda Lambert, Erika Jayne, and MANY MORE in our Hot Celebrity Shoes gallery, which is updated weekly. You are SO welcome.

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Featured Comment

I love these two as a couple. What a festive way to celebrate two important events in their life. Mariah looks like a dream.

Posted by Journey on Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon Shut Down Disneyland To Renew Vows In Cinderella-Themed Ensembles
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