Whoa, you guys, the Britney Spears "Criminal" video is super intense. So *spoiler alert* basically she's in London dating this grade A D-bag with arguably the MOST grating accent ever and he's a real piece of work and a total fancypants because he takes her to hella fuddy-duddy engagements and then SMACKS HER AROUND, at which point BritBrit's "criminal"/knight in shining armor/IRL boyfriend Jason Trawick stomps on his neck and they go racing into his crime lair where they bone. A lot. Like, to where there do it one time in the shower and you're like "Deedledee, I feel weird since they're forreals dating and blorgh pervatron voyeur feeeeeelings." Then Britney brandishes a gun in the second act to stick up a bodega so OBVI attempt NONE of this at home. *END spoiler alert*
Anyway, Britney looks AWESOME so let's talk clothes, makeup, and hair (< --VERY important).
BESEECHING SMOKY DOE EYE, PALE POUT
Britney Spears in her "Criminal" music video.
Photo: Courtesy of Jive
No seriously, let's take a poll: Is there anyone in the world who can switch on PLAINTIVE, WET-EYED INTENSITY like Britney? Ohmahgawg, it's like smudge a little charcoal around the peepers and adorn the limpid pools with false eyelashes, daub a spot of shiny, nude-ish (possibly NARS "orgasm" gloss) on that jillion-dollar pout and you've got yourself a MOMENT. (P.S.: So am I the only person in the world who didn't know that smoky wasn't spelled smokey? OR is it?).