Kelly Osbourne at Art Basel in Miami.
Raise your hand/strawberry daq-filled glass if you've been obsessed with Kelly Osbourne since her teen goth days circa MTV's The Osbournes aka the best reality television shit-show since Real World San Fran. Remembs the one amazing time when Mama Osbourne tossed a honey baked ham over her neighbor's fence? *Nostalgia tears* Anyway, I love a good cheeky Brit with a fearless walk-in closet (see also: Ginger Spice), so when I met Kelly over the blackout-friendly Miami Art Basel weekend (see: ran up to her posse whilst belting her Madonna "Papa Don't Preach" cover), I was quite the starry-eyed gay. 'Twas not just an ordinary Basel bash infinity poolside at the Standard Hotel -- a sea of immaculately dressed cuties in their LAMD© best (FYI: Look At Me Device is brought to you by my BFF/Bravo Gallery Girl, Angela Pham) got shwasted in celebration of Terry Richardson's new book whilst probs not buying said new book and instead opting for booty bouncing/"You go, girl!!!"s to Azealia Banks' CRAY performance complete with many a perfect purple weave whipping moments (and, hiiii, a Pharrell *FAINTS* Williams sighting). Anywhoo, I chatted with Kelly about her lavender '50s prom-friendly hair do upkeep which, spoiler alert, she revealed involves old lady hair mousse. I also chit-chatted with her about Joan Rivers as a grandma figure/Lordes "Lola" Leon as a BFF, her signature scent for which she's rocked since the age tween, and other uh-mazing things that made me blush/visibly schvitz my Manic Panic blue sea-punk dye all down my mug. Yeah, I'm a professional journalist or something. The things I do for y'all dear MTV steez readers… Read on, cuties.