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It's been a hot minute since we had some Fashion Fanfic on da blog, and when we spotted Joe Jonas having a grand ol' time during Milan Fashion Week these past few days, we couldn't help wondering what notes he'd jot down in his fashion week diary. So, we thought we'd make it up ourselves. Inspired by the (very!) real three-piece NYFW installment he wrote last season, here's a fabricated version of what went down overseas with Front Row Joe (as we're affectionately calling him) at MFW.

DAY 1: JOHN VARVATOS

Joe Jonas Milan Fashion Week

Photo: Getty Images

Hey. It's me, Joe. (IDK if I'm supposed to introduce myself to a diary, but I'm a gentleman, and it seems rude not to.) I flew into Italy last night and headed to the John Varvatos show first thing in the morning. Instead of my normal AM juice run (kale FTW, am I right?), I did a shot of espresso because I'm in Europe, and I'm #living. Even though it's not seasonally appropriate, I decided to play it safe in an all-black outfit because that's what NYFW taught me, and I do everything they say. In this photo, I'm trying to force a smile while thinking about all the #worldcup games I'm missing because of this. (U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!)

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rita-ora

Rita Ora performs at Philipp Plein's Fall 2014 runway show.
Photo: Getty Images

Attention, up-and-coming female musicians: There's a new standard for "making it," and it ain't playing a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden. (Although, that's probably not a bad indication, either.) Just like Angel Haze before her and Iggy Azalea predating that (AND the incomparable Grace Jones ahead of them all), Rita Ora made a surprise appearance at Philipp Plein's runway show yesterday, providing the live soundtrack for his "American Dream"-themed Fall 2014 collection.

Ora emerged on the stage from a custom-made, black matte El Camino, wearing a black, ruffled, high-low skirt (#RitasLeftLeg), a sweater with a gold braided band, and a gold studded ten-gallon hat and matching studded cowboy boots. And while her entire outfit was no doubt provided by the designer himself, Ora got SERIOUSLY hooked up with those boots—which, at the time of her show-opening performance, hadn't even gone down the runway yet. (But when they did, NAOMI CAMPBELL was rocking them in silver.)

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What to say about Jeremy Scott's inaugural runway collection for Moschino that hasn't already been said? It just makes a ton of sense. The Italian high-fashion mainstay has built a brand on years of irreverence, and Jeremy, the blonde, pompadoured mastermind behind winged and teddy bear-ed sneakers and so much more, is precisely the designer to steer it into 2014 and beyond. But you knew that. We all knew that. The moment the announcement was made that he'd be taking over the reins for the exeunt Rossella Jardini, you could hear the entire fashion community raising their right hands to smack themselves upside the forehead because DUH. And if for some reason you weren't a believer then, surely the lookbook photos for his debut pre-Fall 2014 collection were enough to sway you.

Moschino

Looks from Jeremy Scott's Moschino Fall/Winter 2014 Milan Fashion Week show.
Photo: Getty Images

It was yesterday, though, that Jeremy sent his first runway collection for Moschino down the catwalk at Milan Fashion Week. After getting to a bit of a late start and a few boos minor bumps in the road, Scott kicked things off with a sea of vibrant red and yellow: His McDonald's-inspired runway capsule collection (of which some of the pieces are available for purchase right now, BTW). The Mickey D-leaning wares skew the burger chain's iconic golden arches, rendering them into Moschino's own M-heart logo, and give the brand's own recurring cow print new meaning when shown side by side with a glorified fry cook's uniform.

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Iggy Azalea

Iggy Azalea performs at Philipp Plein's Milan Fashion Week 2014 show.
Photo: Getty Images

Fashion Week has turned into Fashion Three Weeks for Iggy Azalea. After sitting front row at a number of New York Fashion Week shows and performing at DKNY's 25th Anniversary Party, Iggy has surfaced in Milan and, oh, on Philipp Plein's runway. Plein's website describes Iggy as the ideal woman, "poised between haute couture tailoring and a mood that is unashamedly hip hop," so it only makes sense that she kicked-off the show with a live performance of "Work," wearing a short, structured, and slit-bearing dress. Iggy ditched her recently debuted pin-up style bangs for a sleek and tight bun and kept her makeup au naturel.

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selena-gomez-donatella-versace

Donatella Versace and Selena Gomez.
Photo: @selenagomez Twitter

Selena Gomez is pretty much living the dream in Milan right now. How do I know this? Because my BFFs, Anna Wintour and Donatella Versace, could NOT stop gabbing about her during our most recent group Skype sesh, wherein we also talked about pizza and #FASHUN and another former Disney darling who's been making some more, um, mature, wardrobe choices of her own these days. Just kidding. Anna Wintour and Donatella Versace don't use computers! They have someone else do all their interwebbingz for them, obvi.

But seriously. Now that Selly is no longer in danger of catching drop-crotch fever from the Biebs, she's been working on her style game in a major way. Gomez attended the Versace show in Milan on Friday and wore a killer mixed medium black dress with a bandage cut-out top and shimmery a-line bottom. She accessorized the look with a vampy red lip, smokey eyes and jet black nail polish. But instead of going home and emailing her runway wish-list to Santa Versace's PR people, she talked about the line over dinner with Donatella herself, as evidenced by a photo she posted on her Twitter with the caption, "To be great, learn from the greatest." And it doesn't get much greater than Donatella Versace. Unless, of course...

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Dolce & Gabbana, Beast Jesus

If Dolce & Gabbana had collaborated with "Ecce Homo" (a.k.a. "Beast Jesus") artist Cecilia Giménez.
Photo: Getty Images

There are two things in life that I've come to know to be true: I will always want to blow all of the rent money on Dolce & Gabbana, and I will always think the Beast Jesus meme is funny. Sure, D&G hit a bit of a rough patch (okay, a giant, festering ocean of backlash) with their Spring/Summer 2013 accessories, but this Fall/Winter 2013 collection is so beautiful in its attention to detail and exemplary embellishment work that I can't ignore it.

As far as Beast Jesus, I'm well-aware that this meme dropped off months ago (the last thing we heard was in December when the world's most infamous [also, worst] restoration artist Cecilia Giménez was actually making a killing off her own original artwork on eBay). HOWEVER, I will never NOT bust up laughing thinking about the cojones this lady had to have to not only follow-through on this wretched restoration job of Elías García Martínez's Ecce Homo, but then turn around and want MONEY FOR IT. !!!!!. It's too much.

Naturally, with the botched Jesus fresco so near and dear to my heart, I project it onto almost everything. Thus, the following images: a reimagining of Dolce & Gabbana's latest Milan Fashion Week offerings were they the result of a collab with Ms. Giménez. HAPPY FRIDAY!

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Hailee Steinfeld at MaxMara's Fall 2013 show in Milan.
Photo: Getty

Wondering who fashion's brightest, youngest actress is this year? Look no further than MaxMara's annual crowning of the 2013 Women In Film MaxMara Face Of The Future Award winner. The prize, which is given to a young actress every year, is a pretty solid predictor of what young ingenue is going to majorly step up her fashion game in the year to come, and also an indicator of a starlet who hasn't been a sartorial slouch in years prior either. Last year's award was given to Chloë Grace Moretz, who already had a taste for Chanel, but has since gone to countless fashion shows, been on countless magazine covers, and been named the face of Aeropostale. So who is going to be blowing up our Instagram feeds with her stylish swag in 2013? Hailee Steinfeld, ladies and gentlemen! Yeah, we know you're totally not surprised, she has already been the face of Miu Miu, after all.

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Dolce & Gabbana, Jeremy Scott

Dolce & Gabbana and Jeremy Scott show burlap sack dresses for Spring/Summer 2013 and 2012 respectively.
Photo: Getty Images

Take note, public. Thanks to the one-two punch of Dolce & Gabbana and Jeremy Scott, burlap potato sacks have now graced the Fashion Week runways for two years in a row. That means we officially need to get one (or two or infinity) into our closets STAT. I know what you're about to say: "You mean you're not already wearing burlap potato sacks on the daily? *hair flip*" Well, pump the brakes on the judgement train for just one hot second because maybe we have sensitive skin and thus maybe wanted to feel this trend out before diving in head first! *catches breath from defensive hyperventilating*

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Giuseppe Zanotti, Cruel Summer

Theophilus London snaps a picture of the Giuseppe Zanotti shoes for G.O.O.D. Music's "Cruel Summer" album.
Photo: Courtesy of @TheophilusLondon's Instagram

Holy heels! Just LOOK at the gorgeous new ivory Giuseppe Zanotti sandals Theophilus London spotted at Milan Fashion Week. The mix of the bold marble-esque details of the upper and the crisp delicateness of the rest of the shoe is pretty much the epitome of everything the Italian footwear artisan does best. And even if we didn't already know Zanotti and G.O.O.D. Music label founder Kanye West have a history of shoe collaborations (or, you know, had that helpful labeling across the display case), we'd recognize the nods to that beautifully symmetrical Cruel Summer album art anywhere!

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Azealia Banks, Solange

Azealia Banks and Solange sit front row at the Just Cavalli Spring 2013 Milan Fashion Week show.
Photo: Getty Images

Azealia Banks and Solange are each Fashion Week front row staples in their own right. Miss Knowles (who just dropped a teaser video for her new forthcoming album BTW!!) is known to primarily haunt the coveted seats at New York Fashion Week while Harlem-native Banks frequents the international circuit even though both ladies are currently based in New York. The two finally crossed paths at this season's Milan Fashion Week sitting front row at the Just Cavalli Spring 2013 show!

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Featured Comment

I love these two as a couple. What a festive way to celebrate two important events in their life. Mariah looks like a dream.

Posted by Journey on Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon Shut Down Disneyland To Renew Vows In Cinderella-Themed Ensembles
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