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All the BeyHiiiive, if you hear meeee, help me sing it ouuuuuut! Is everybody still breathing? Chances are, you're actually reading this a few days AFTER the Friday, December 13, 2013 release of Beyonce's brand new self-titled ~visual album~ because you chose to siphon yourself off from humanity to devote your attention to watching all 17 videos in full, end-to-end, at least three times in a row. TBH, I would have done the same if this wasn't my job. But here we are, right??

If you know anything about Beyonce's track record with music videos (*achem* "Countdown," "Crazy In Love," "SINGLE LADIES"???), you know these have to be iconic and FULL of fashion. The videos Bey released via iTunes last night are no exception, so we've taken on the daunting task of breaking them down look by look. That's right, folks. 17 videos. Look. By. Look. Lord Bey-sus be with us. BUT, don't think for one second that we're giving it to you all at once. We want this to last as loooooong as possible, so we're parsing them out little by little.

Beyonce

A still from Beyonce's "Pretty Hurts" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

First up is "Pretty Hurts," which is basically Beyonce's version of "Unpretty" for 2013 (and '14 and beyonced). It opens up with Short-Haired Beyonce, which is a visual reminder (apart from the fact that you're hearing new Bey music via a music video you just bought on iTunes in the middle of the night) that ish is very different this time around.

Beyonce

A still from Beyonce's "Pretty Hurts" music video.
Photo: Sony Records

The video centers around a beauty pageant setting but leans more Drop Dead Gorgeous than "Toddler In Tiaras." (Though, unfortuantely, no one wears a Mount Rushmore headpiece in Bey's show.) Mrs. Carter-Knowles represents as Miss 3rd Ward, a nod to her H-Town upbringings, and is seen here in beige, pointy-cup lingerie and a tiara.

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Beyonce InStyle

Beyoncé on the September 2011 cover of "InStyle."
Photo: Courtesy of "InStyle"

Beyoncé, girl, you are GLOWING. It may be the fact that she's literally covered in gold sequins and stars, but we can't deny how radiant Bey looks on the September 2011 cover of InStyle. She's rocking a shimmering Dolce & Gabbana mini and necklace paired with sun-kissed strands and minimal makeup. We were all, "Aw, Bey Bey looks so fresh-faced and wholesome and dewy," but then we got a peek at what happened inside the spread and, WHEW BOY.

That whole girl-next-door vibe went straight out the window. I mean, have you SEEN Beyoncé seductively lounging in a chair in nothing but a OMO Norma Kamali swimsuit, Dior fox fur bolero, and neon Ernesto Esposito pumps? She looks HOT. And we mean that in the most literal way possible because girl is SWEATIN'. Also, there's smoke at her feet. SMOKE. BEY'S ON FIRE, Y'ALL.

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Featured Comment

I love these two as a couple. What a festive way to celebrate two important events in their life. Mariah looks like a dream.

Posted by Journey on Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon Shut Down Disneyland To Renew Vows In Cinderella-Themed Ensembles
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