Martha Stewart on the cover of her Halloween issue.
Photo: Courtesy of Martha Stewart
So, this happened: Martha Stewart's creepily smiling visage graces the cover of her Halloween issue while ENORMOUS BUTTERFLY WINGS are glued to her eyelids. Below her, the text reads: "Introducing Motha the Winged Wonder." I'm sorry, but Motha, the "Winged Wonder?" What does that Motha f****** even MEAN? Is this a for REAL costume because we're prettttyyyy sure if we dressed up as Motha and wore it around people would be like, "OH SHIZ, DUDE. YOU GOT SOME BUTTERFLIES ALL UP ON YOU, MAN." And then they would try to swat at our faces, and we'd have to gently explain that we're "Motha, the Winged Wonder," and people's eyebrows and foreheads would scrunch together and they'd be like, "Ohh...from, like, a TV show?" "No." "Oh, a book?" "No." "A movie?" "No." "The internet?" "No. From Martha Stewart...the magazine." Then they'd give you a side eye and be like, "Oh...kay." And even if they DID ask for further explanation you couldn't explain it! Because NOT EVEN MARTHA KNOWS WHAT THAT MEANS. *gasps for breath* Also, is anyone else scared to see what the other 125 "captivating costumes" are in this issue? Because we certainly are.